(Mis)Adventures In Dating: Do You Know Who I Am?
Have you ever dated someone who you felt never got to know who you really were?
I dated this guy for about a month and a half last year. On the first date, I was hoping for instant sparks but there weren’t. I did know however that I enjoyed his company and would be willing to try a second date. I was okay with the fact that sparks could take a moment. We ended up dating for about two months then ended up calling it off before New Years. I didn’t realize exactly how self absorbed he was until a random phone conversation we had in February. He said something like “I wish you were more than just…” That proved that with all the time I spent with him, he took nothing away from it. Although I shared, he learned nothing about me. Nearly every conversation we had was about him, his projects, and his goals. Hardly did he ever ask about my passions. It was strange. Two creative people should be able to hit it off right? We were in two different fields of entertainment, so it wasn’t like it was a competition.
I know that I am intelligent, but somehow talking to him made me feel incredibly ditsy. I think to hide his insecurities and inexperience, he made the people around him unconsciously feel small. Don’t hold it against me that I haven’t been to Europe yet, I plan on getting there and soon. I never used the fact that you are nearly 30 and still living under your parents roof (with no current plans of moving out) against you. Things felt very off towards the end.
The sex wasn’t up to par either, just like in the conversations, this was ‘all about him’. He talked such a huge game with nothing to show for it. It seemed that his sexual prowess (or lack there of) started and ended with the things he saw in porn. (Side-note: Porn is great, but porn is acting. You may get inspired by porn, but DON’T use it step by step as sexual blueprint. Girls in porn and girls in real life are kind of different.) Even after discussing it, there was no improvement. It was unsatisfying to me that I don’t even count it.
I was hoping for sparks, but all I got was a wake up call, I could never be with anyone who didn’t make me feel like an equal. He didn’t take the time to get to know me physically or mentally. Also I realized that I couldn’t be with someone who had little to no experience in a real relationship. I can see now that he was single for a reason. I don’t know if I was just arm candy to him or what. Every so often, I hear from him. He wants to ‘catch up’…I’ll pass, thanks…
Remember…Dating a douchebag happens to everyone at some point, the important thing is that you figure it out and move on.
I truly enjoyed this one. I think a lot of people men included get lost in situations like that. Some realized it early on and some later. But the good thing is we learn and grow. And yeah, pass with him..because if you don’t you’ll enter back into ‘HIS WORLD”…lol
Selfish is never good – the signs seemed there from the beginning. But not everybody who has not had the chance to be in a serious relationship by his age are that way because they’re selfish or there’s something terribly wrong with them – at least I hope so, or else there’s no hope for me at all…
Who hasn’t been there? Glad you learned from it and moved on.
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